By popular demand, Cole is back for another round of GTA madness. I promised an article during Spring Break so here it is.
That’s right people, this is real college life for ya. Only a few people go to the Girls Gone Wild locations for Spring Break. You only hear it’s a lot of people because the frat guys and sweet little sorority girls are coming from the whole country. It’s a big country which means a lot of few people from everywhere. How did Cole spend his Spring Break? Like every other college student, at home. I get the pleasure of filling out my tax forms and observing preschool classes for my human development paper. WHOO HOO!!!! Feel the excitement!!!! I know you’re jealous, you have to be!!!! No? Don’t kid yourself junior.
I’ll tackle a fairly easy subject and one that’s been sitting on the message board for a while now, weapons.
I’ll do an easy topic for this one because as I’ve said I am in the middle of editing my book. Oh yeah, be sure to buy a copy of Heartland when it comes out, I’ll be sure to let all of you know. Thanks.
Cole’s GTA Weapon Inventory
First let’s start off with the stuff that needs to go. Face it, around a third of the weapons made available are not used by the average GTA player. They are either the same as using your hands and feet or just too awkward to be of use.
Bats
Bats need to be sent to the nearest recycling center immediately. They hardly do anything and they’re just as good as the martial art skills the character has.
Brass Knucks
Same deal. Cool in theory but ultimately impractical.
Chain Saw
The chain saw is just stupid. You slunk around while carrying it, it has the same attack radius as the before mentioned weapons, and it scares people away by simply being revved up. Yes it is sort of cool to see the video game carnage it can inflict but if you run around all the time just using the chain saw you have issues, serious issues, and this is not a laughing matter. Please shut down your PS2 and locate your local psychologist. He or she is listed in the yellow pages.
Chain Gun
Basically the same thing as the chain saw. It does a lot of really cool damage but you almost fall over carrying the bastard and it blows up everything in sight, including anything near you. The world of criminal activity lives and dies by precision; precision shootings, timing, bombing, driving what have you. The chain gun is out of place.
Sword
I’m a little hard pressed to kick this out because it is sort of unique. But in the end, if falls victim to the same stuff holding everything else down: lack of utility. It is of little use unless you find yourself in the middle of the Foot Clan on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Still, just pull out the magnum and drop them like a bad habit.
I think that does it for getting rid of the useless stuff. The next point I want to hit on is a serious step backwards that Vice City took. What is up with this “one weapon from each category” crap?! It is a game for crying out loud. Give us all our weapons and let us on our merry way.
Next, weapons to add on. Dare I say…NONE? In a previous article I called GTA the bad-guy’s version of James Bond. Well ladies and gentlemen, I meant it. GTA reeks of Bond type action. Driving, shooting, girls, main character who seems to be able to do everything, just to name a few. So if we add any additional weapons to the mix (i.e. lasers, high-tech gadgets, trip bombs, remote rockets…are you beginning to see the point?) we run the risk of becoming completely “Bond.” And that’s no good. So let’s keep our supply of weapons to a sensible level and keep GTA as GTA.
Any other weapons I didn’t mention will be kept. They seem to be working well so don’t fix what ain’t broke. I’m sure a few of you will catch me on some points I made or missed. Until next time, catch y’all later.
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